Black Lives Matter - Addressing My Discomforts, Mistakes and Promises
- Anna Gray
- Jun 8, 2020
- 4 min read
A photograph of me holding a sign reading ‘I Stand With You’, in support of #BlackLivesMatter
Let me make one thing clear – I am not, nor will I ever be, a performative ally. The #BlackLivesMatter movement is one which I support and feel in my heart of hearts, rising up like bile with each new injustice. Indeed, the infliction of violence and discrimination on any human being angers me perhaps more than anything else. But until now, I was much too quiet.
With a tidal wave of tragedies washing across our screens each day, it can be easy to become comfortably numb. I certainly adopted this stance; with both a depressive and an anxious disposition, I often find current events overwhelming. But in switching your mind off, the apathy can seep into your heart. Now, I’m not for one moment suggesting you engage with content which endangers your mental health – that’s a judgement for you alone to make. Despite this, I know that when George Floyd died on May 25th, I was not acting as a strong ally. If anything, my approach was passive, waiting to step in when injustice arose before me. And I’m afraid that’s just not good enough.
I want to apologise that my online posts on #BlackLivesMatter are the first of their kind. It is not enough to merely be an internal ally, an ally in mind and principle. I must also be an ally in heart and action. Since May 25th, I have made a promise to myself that I will turn my life around. And no, that’s not a Jeremy Kyle statement to camera 1 – that’s a genuine promise. Initially, it may start small; I am still living in quarantine, under lockdown. Regardless, I pledge to carry my support for the Black community into every aspect of my life.
In the past two weeks, I have tried to do as much as I can. Internally, I’ve spent the week grappling with my conscience and assessing the motives behind my actions. I want to ensure that my support is not hollow or ‘trendy’, but genuine and intentional. I have signed and shared petitions, donated money, watched as many videos of Black speakers as possible. I have made a list of books I want to read by Black authors, and purchased non-fiction books, as I begin to educate myself on White Supremacy and Black History. Already, I have learnt so much, from the disgusting and horrifying truths, to the incredible Black talents, activists and speakers I had previously been unaware of. I have written to my MP imploring the government to stop the export of tear-gas and rubber bullets to the US. I have actively started discussions with my family, my grandparents, and online communities, about race, continuing even when it became uncomfortable. I have purchased charity #BlackLivesMatter badges and patches, which I plan to wear on my clothing for years to come. I will wear the badge to work to raise awareness, regardless of what staff and customers might think.
But hang on a second – am I asking for a bloody medal? Why wasn’t I doing all of this already? The answer to that is this: I do not know. In truth, I’ve certainly made mistakes. I’m embarrassed that I haven’t tried harder in the past, and I can only vow that I will maintain my support as long as I live. It shouldn’t have taken a murder to turn my thoughts into actions.
Looking forward, I need to ensure that my activism does not lapse. Although I have attended protest marches for various causes, I am yet to attend a #BlackLivesMatter protest. This week, I deliberated long and hard about whether or not to attend a protest during Covid-19. I have a heart condition and, due to the current pandemic, I do not feel safe taking part in a mass protest at this time. However, I will join a protest as soon as I can. Until then, I have made a sign and displayed it in my window, alongside posting it on social media to raise further awareness.
Today, I set a reminder on my phone for early January: six months from now. Who knows where the world will be then? In six months-time, I will self-reflect on my response to #BlackLivesMatter. Crucially, I will review how many of these promises I have kept, and what I have continued to do to support the Black community.
Lastly, I appreciate that to some I may appear incredibly self-centric. This is a palpable, global movement and all I can talk about are my feelings? I’ve spent the past two weeks with perpetual thoughts ricocheting around my head, regarding my white privilege and my lack of previous action. In clarifying these thoughts and intentions, I lay down the person I want to be. I am here to support, to listen, to learn and to protest. But first, I need to hold myself accountable.
Relevant fundraisers and petitions:
Floyd, P. (2020) Official George Floyd Memorial Fund, Available at: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd (Accessed: 29th May 2020).
Kellen,S. (2020) Justice for George Floyd, Available at: https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd (Accessed: 29th May 2020).
Homeless Black Trans Women Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/homeless-black-trans-women-fund?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=m_pd+share-sheet
Justice for Tony McDade: https://www.change.org/p/justice-for-tony-mcdade
Protect Black Trans Women in the UK: https://www.change.org/p/boris-johnson-more-protection-for-black-trans-women-uk?utm_content=cl_sharecopy_22535819_en-GB%3Av1&recruited_by_id=92879d80-a851-11ea-bbc3-917622267ed1&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf_combo_share_abi
Donate to These Orgs to Support Black Trans People: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/n7wnbb/tony-mcdade-nina-pop-how-to-help
The Okra Project: https://www.theokraproject.com/
Make Black History a mandatory part of the UK school curriculum: https://www.change.org/p/make-black-british-history-mandatory-on-the-curriculum/psf/promote_or_share
Qualified Immunity needs legislative reform: https://www.change.org/p/us-supreme-court-qualified-immunity-legislative-reform
Julius Jones is innocent. Don't let him be executed by the state of Oklahoma: https://www.change.org/p/julius-jones-is-innocent-don-t-let-him-be-executed-by-the-state-of-oklahoma
Hands Up Act: Punish police for shooting unarmed citizens: https://www.change.org/p/us-senate-hands-up-act
Justice for Breonna Taylor: https://www.change.org/p/andy-beshear-justice-for-breonna-taylor
Fundraiser for Breonna Taylor: https://www.gofundme.com/f/9v4q2-justice-for-breonna-taylor
Stop the UK government from sending rubber bullets, tear gas and riot shields to the US: https://www.change.org/p/boris-johnson-stop-the-uk-government-from-sending-rubber-bullets-tear-gas-and-riot-shields-to-the-us
‘Black Lives Matter’ iron-on charity patches available here: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/817503929/black-lives-matter-charity-patch?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=black+lives+matter+patch&ref=sr_gallery-1-12&organic_search_click=1&frs=1&col=1
‘Black Lives Matter’ charity badges available here:
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you know of other relevant petitions and fundraisers. Likewise, if you feel there are issues in this article to be amended, please let me know.
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